What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 01:00
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I don,t even have a pension.
Is visiting holy shrines (dargahs) or graves haraam in Islam?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
This is soul school!.
But it wasn’t much.
What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Comes on , in middle age.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Can you summarize season 1 of "The Acolyte"?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
31 Little Upgrades To Your Day-To-Day That Won't Sound Life-Changing…Until You Try Them - BuzzFeed
All the time i was locked up.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
LeBron James’ message for Caitlin Clark after dominant return from injury - New York Post
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What would you do if you found out that someone had broken into your home while you were sleeping?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was 9 years of age.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What is your favorite underrated movie and why? What makes it underrated? How did you find it?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why did the American's mulberry harbor not hold up after D-Day?
She was in good health!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And i lived it daily.
At what stage in your life did you realize, "No, I can't do this any more" and walk out? Why?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was very sick at this time too.
We all went to grammer schools
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was scared of men, in general
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Was to survive, this bastard.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So whats the point in blame.
I will be 64.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So, i spoilt her more .
Would this be the day?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She married twice! .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ive learnt so much.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I think the readers, may guess!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
(And it was in our own minds.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My family never makes their pension either.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I said to her
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
What did i know ?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My life is so biszare .
Why did i forgive my father ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im still living with it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I could never make a relationship work though!
She wouldn,t have been !
I have no regrets .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It was going to be , some day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Who then, do I blame.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One cannot live in the past .
She loved him until the end.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
When she asked me how she looked .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She found it foreign!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Put me off passion for life!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I couldn’t, believe it.
But, we were locked up after school.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We were not on the streets..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I waited trembling.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..